David Ospina – Hip
Mesut Ozil – LCL Knee Ligament
Mikel Arteta – Calf
Aaron Ramsey – Hamstring
Yaya Sanogo – Hamstring
- Wenger “Considering” World-Record Move For Virgil Van Dijk
- Report: Welbeck & Ramsey Both Currently Refuse To Sign New Arsenal Contracts
- [Team News] Arsenal v Newcastle – Ramsey Ruled Out For Three Weeks
Mathieu Debuchy – Ankle
Olivier Giroud – Foot
Laurent Koscielny – Chronic tendinitis of both Achilles tendons
Theo Walcott -Match Fitness
Serge Gnabry – Match Fitness
Jack Wilshere – Devoured by Henderson on international duty
Danny Welbeck – Cursed. Is out for three months every time he scores for England.
Kieran Gibbs – Drowned while swimming in the England team pool.
Alex Oxlade Chamberlain – Shot himself of guilt as he couldn’t rescue Gibbs. He drowned in the left wing of the pool and he could swim only in
midfield the middle.
Per Mertesacker – Lost his eyesight when he saw John Terry smiling in front of him.
Calum Chambers – Banned for life by UEFA for accumulating the most yellow cards in history.
Mathieu Flamini – Wanted by Interpol for crimes against ants.
Abou Diaby – Invisible
Wojciech Szczesny – Came off his line and inadvertently stepped into enemy territory. Being held captive.
Gedion Zelalem – Stung by a bee and actually became a bee.
We will provide you all with the latest updates as they unfold. What the hell! A Volcano is discovered beneath the Emirates, a Dinosaur is chasing Shad Forsythe.